Reading what you previously wrote

I just read through the first article I published with my adviser. It was the first time, after 2 years that I had done so. I do not know why I had such great fear of reading it after it was published. Rather than feeling good and proud, I was worried, ashamed and afraid. I was concerned that it wasn't good enough, and I would spot things I would be embarrassed about. I was slightly mortified that now my work was available for public scrutiny.

I think I felt that way because of the way I think about myself and my work, and the expectations I had. I hope one day I can write a book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Graduate Students. I want to examine the thoughts that graduate students have, and certain phenomena such as imposter's syndrome that are common among budding academics, and to address them headon, so that we can once and for all get rid of certain myths widespread in academia.

For example, we are never brilliant enough. It's true, so what is the point scolding yourself when you make mistakes and saying, "I'm not good enough." For my case, I should calmly read my published articles. Yes, they could have been better written, but this was a work written by the Shuyi 2 years ago! Remember, back then, she struggled even to write a complete article. The fact that it was published, actually is quite a feat! So instead of beating her up for writing a not-good-enough article, I want you to congratulate her for her courage and effort!

Yes, I want to eventually write a book like this, if it has not already been written. I want to write a David Burns version for graduate students. It would include chapters on Public Speaking (for conference presentations), on Social Anxiety (for networking sessions), on Interviews (for taking your first job and getting your scholarship)... Wouldn't this be a great book?

Okay, now I have to read my second article. Go ahead, read it, and don't scold yourself while reading it. Instead, enjoy the fruit of your labor. Enjoy that that publication is your reward. :)