'I would only write a letter of complain..."

My friend recently asked me why did I write a letter to the Forum? I was a bit taken aback by that comment. I asked, 'Do you disagree with it? Was it very poorly written?' 'No,' she said, she had not read it yet, just wondering why would anyone bother with writing something unless one had been very upset about it.

My favourite kinds of writing are not letters of complaints, but letters of praise.

So often, when I write, especially when something suddenly makes sense to me, like a few separate things I've read and pondered about suddenly come together to create something new, I get a sense of goosebumps on my back and a shaking of my spirit.

It sounds crazy, but that's a very sacred moment for me. When I get it, I come here, I blog, or I just stop a moment and thank God.

It's almost transcendental. It's a feeling that starts from the brain and goes all the way down the spine. And it fills me with feelings of gratitude.

Just now, I got it. I was reading up about the ritual act of raising the flag. It is something so integral to the understanding of patriotism, but so easily dismissed and overlooked by many people. What's the big deal with the flag and symbols and rituals. We have so underestimated their significance and power, and that feeling of love and pride and sense of awe and greatness that is captured in them when they are periodically used for purposes that lift our spirits to a level beyond the common and day-to-day.

Suddenly, I feel so grateful, so grateful I am studying the topic that I am studying.

New concept (ritual) vs old concept (story)

As you may have already been told, I recently changed my PhD thesis topic, after nearly quitting it. I changed it from "story" to something along the lines of "ritual".

I am reading up on ritual now and wondering what is it about rituals that appeal to me more than story? I think the answer lies in my personal make up.

Stories and storytelling is a very verbal act that involves a lot of talk, it is a way of talking, persuading, influencing, tickling, shocking... And I am actually someone of few words (not online, but yes, in person). Stories happen in person, off-the-cuff, spontaneously a lot of the times.

Now, rituals have a stronger element of "doing", it's often accompanied by "saying" but predominantly it is a performance and action. This, kinda fits who I am as a person better. A woman of few words but much action. It is about tradition and symbols, about embodying a message, changing insidiously, infecting transcendentally... It's almost magical, or to use a more academic word, numinous.

That... excites me. It's about things we find hard to fathom and describe... Why is it that seeing the flag rise as the national anthem is sounded when Joseph Schooling takes first place and three others take second, makes some of us feel goosebumps or the rising of the hairs on our backs? What is that magical feeling? Where did it come from?

Gosh... This feeling is also felt in the church, especially with the awe-inspiring architecture from ancient days and majestic music from the pipe organ and the pews all facing the front and stained glass windows... Plus the rituals of candle lighting, bowing before Christ, and the cross signal across the heart... They cause people to feel something.

That I feel is what made me more excited about the current topic that the previous... :)

Doing a PhD is like exploring a jungle

I am at the beginning stages of the PhD right now. I am reading here and there, trying to get a sense of the territory. I feel like I just arrived on an island and there's this big jungle before me. As I slowly walk into the jungle, I am seeing a little plant here, a little rock there, and it is only sufficient for me to make a mark on my blank sheet of paper. But my goal is to create a map of the whole place.

So I have been making tiny marks, little scratches on my paper, but I still have little idea what this jungle is like. There are some parts that I know better than other, but most of the island and jungle remain unknown to me.

So this is how it feels like...

I'm doing my best to read up as much as I can, whatever others who have come before me have recorded about islands and jungles in general and particular that I think are similar to the one I'm on, hoping it can shed some clue on my particular island and give me some guidance which paths to take down the jungle.

So this is what stage I'm in now...

Making little scratches on my notebook so that later on I can put them all together into some sort of a research proposal, before I go ahead and conduct my research.