Losing Focus

Recently, I have been losing passion for my "first love". Research has become a job, rather than a passion. I no longer wish I could be a Ph.D student forever, now I count the years, and want to complete it as soon as possible. I no longer look with wonder and passion and curiosity at the world, but look at it very academically and technically and dryly... I no longer research to change the world, I have let research changed me.

I realized this today, when I watch other researchers talk about their "first love" with so much care and so much passion.

And today, I want to reignite that love and resow those seeds. Thank you A. for the encouragement. Today, I want to find back my voice in research. I want to find that passion burning in my heart and say it to an audience passionately once again.

Presentations are about the message and the audience, we tweak the message according to the direction the conference is going. We don't memorize a dead script and repeat it mindlessly. This year, I will try to get it right. :) Shuyi, don't waver, don't keep tweaking your message according to other peoples' messages. Find your own message and speak it.

And don't put down yourself and speak bad things about yourself anymore. Stop. You are sincerely doing your best already. No one can fault you for it. Even if people do fault you, you know the truth, so stop being so mean and harsh to yourself. Instead, be kind and gentle, and curious with yourself. And do the same to and for others.