Eureka!

Everyone who is good got there by perseverance and hard work.

It is at once so humbling and so liberating to find out.

Really, I guess when we dig into stories of successful people, we probably won't hear stories of "get rich quick" or "learn how to write in 40 days" or "short cut to doing great work" but we probably will hear stories of pain, sweat and tears.

Update

One lesson I learned from my undergraduate studies is that if I have an opportunity to take more modules, I should do so and not worry so much about grades, but worry about learning.

So I was pretty sad, when I was not accepted to do a module as it was too specialized for me.

But it also has pushed me forward to complete my thesis ahead of schedule. I am hoping to finish it by this Semester rather than next as was my original plan. Because I think it's time to move on.

It was a blow to my heart, but I will learn to surrender my desires to God.

Right now, I am doing some analysis. I feel like an architect? I lay the plan before me and I am making markings and shifting texts around. It is fun!

Restlessness

There is one situation where I find it almost impossible to do any writing. That's when I'm restless. The heart that cannot be satisfied refuses to be still enough for any thoughts to pass through with clarity. Every thought is lost and muddled up. 

The hidden curriculum

I'm not sure if I gave the right title.

But one thing about doing a thesis is that you don't see or know what happens behind the scenes?

For example, I spend a lot of time locating materials and photocopying/scanning them. I have bought second hand books from the USA and have them shipped to another address before receiving it here in Singapore. This is the hidden cost as well. Knowledge cost not only time but also money. I actually do think that many people don't further their studies because it's so costly in terms of both time and money.

One more thing I would like to do more of is to invest time in helping other graduate students. And another that I am contemplating is to do another module, though technically I don't need anymore credits. Because I'm just thinking what next. In my heart, I desire to be a historian, but my thesis is more practitioner, educational type. And I'm thinking, I'm trained as a scientist, how will I get my training as a historian? Can I do modules meant for history students?

Noblesse Oblige

Something suddenly pulled my heart string and I have to write about it.

I suddenly saw the very close link between community service and elitism. The teachers in this particular school so STRESSED the idea of "noblesse oblige" (I just learned this term today). I felt it so strongly. In fact, I suspect that in a non-elite school, this factor may be downplayed. But the focus is more so on academics, in terms of what the teachers stressed.

People always talk bad about elitism and complain that non-elites don't have as much opportunities as elites... But you know, the elites have a greater burden to serve and be "slaves" to the rest of the population. We envy them, because we think of people who abuse their power and have unlimited riches, but if we ever do get there, we will realize the mandate of the elite is not merely to lead servants but more so to be the slaves of servants.

Analyzing Data and Reporting Findings

This week I'm going to spend doing this section of my thesis. I have roughly composed a sketchy draft of chapter 1, 2 and 3. And knowing that I often find 4, 5 and 6 the hardest to write, I think I shall not delay but move onto chapter 4 this week. Somewhat excited (thank God!).

"When you reach this point in the research process, it is essential to keep an open mind, remembering that qualitative research is all about discovery. You need to look carefully at all your data, seeking to uncover important insights regarding the phenomenon that you are researching. These are your "findings." The procedures you use to accomplish this needs to be well thought out, explicitly documented, and directly connected to your research questions. Subsequently, in the following chapter, "Analyzing and Interpreting Findings," you will synthesize all your data sources and insights, creating an interpretation that is holistic and integrated.

There is often confusion around the idea of data analysis in qualitative research and what it really entails. Qualitative data analysis is the process of bringing order, structure, and meaning to the masses of data collected. Broadly speaking, qualitative data analysis is the researcher's attempt to summarize all the collected data in a dependable and accurate manner. The process is based on induction: The researcher starts with a large set of data and seeks to progressively narrow them into smaller important groups of key data. There are no predefined variables to focus analysis as there are in quantitative research. Qualitative data analysis requires the researcher to be patient and reflective in a process that strives to make sense of multiple data sources. The analytic procedure falls essentially into the following sequential phases: organizing the data, generating categories, identifying patterns and themes, and coding the data." (p. 135)

Bloomberg, L. D., & Volpe, M. Completing your qualitative dissertation: A road map from beginning to end (2 ed.). Los Angeles: SAGE Publications, Inc.

A sudden realization

I just realized something that is not too good.

I realized I have been more attracted to research from the USA and Hong Kong and less to research from China, Russia and Europe.

And this has somewhat skewed my ideas and conceptions.

It's strange... But I can see a few reasons for why this has happened.

1. USA and Hong Kong are of relatively closer mental proximity to me. I have been to USA and Hong Kong. I know you might think this has no link to why I showed preference to works from these places. But it has for me. After I returned from a one day trip to Hong Kong, I sensed the sights and sounds and spirit of Hong Kong and was really inspired to write a piece of work for my boss. Having been to USA, I kinda like that country as well. And this explains why since I knew I would be visiting Europe for the first time in July, I started becoming interested to read articles on European nations.

2. I am more familiar with the democratic systems of USA and Hong Kong. So I find it easier to understand papers from USA and Hong Kong. I think I revealed this before that I struggle to read articles on Russia and actually China as well. With their long histories that scholars often have to explain the context first before getting to the meat of the study... It has caused some intimidation and reluctance to read these articles.

I feel kinda sad that I have placed such great spotlight on USA and Hong Kong and so little on others. Okay.

3. There really are more studies from these places than others, but that doesn't mean I should neglect the few from the latter that do exist.

Swimming Pool

I wanted to add one more point. Eventually you reach a point when you exhaust the available literature. And whatever new information you find seems to fit into the existing framework you have created. And that part is pretty fun. :)

You remember when I first started out, I felt I was jumping into an ocean and the literature was an expanse so wide I couldn't fathom? The more I remained in this, the smaller the ocean appears. You start seeing people repeating similar arguments or raising similar issues. It starts getting the feel of "there's nothing new under the sun".

It feels more like a swimming pool now. :)

The secret to writing a thesis

Gosh. I think I discovered a secret! About ten months ago, as I was writing my research proposal, I got a bit stuck when I was deciding what to include in the key terms that have to be defined. I was also pretty stuck at the literature review section, having to guess what I needed to include there based on what's available in the literature and what my findings would reveal.

But now... After having worked through my ideas through writing new literature reviews, writing articles that form part of my study...

As I am now writing the new "Introduction" section for my thesis, I realized I have a clearer idea what terms I need and do not need to define. I realized that I'm not interested in the concepts of nationalism, chauvinism and that I could collapse a few terms into one overarching term. For example, rather than define blind, authoritarian and loyal patriotism as three separate terms with their nuances, I decided to draw upon the broad similarities of these three terms and named them under one term - loyal patriotism.

As I am now writing the new "Literature Review" section, I have dropped most of the things included in the initial literature review. But now I know I clearly have three sections, related to my three new research questions.  And yes! I finally knew what my boss meant by "the research questions would change." Because mine have! They have increased in complexity as I realized that I could answer higher order questions and not just basic ones with my data.

So the secret is that... Sometimes you just need to go ahead with the research even when you are unclear about things and don't know where it leads. Because, these answers would come up to you along the journey. If you allow your fears of the unknown and of uncertainties to stop you from progressing forward, you might hinder all the accidental discoveries that come along the way and which would lead you to the destination! :)

So friends, don't be afraid, just move ahead!

A true myth

I heave a sigh of relief. I was planning to charge ahead with my thesis writing. But felt inspired to catch up on my reading. I actually have books lying on my shelf that I have accumulated and have not had the time to read. Look at what I stumbled upon!

"This is a book of history, but it is a particular kind of history: mythical history or, putting it more precisely, this history of a myth. I use the term myth reluctantly, since in popular usage it usually means a falsehood or a fairy tale. This is not what I mean by it. A myth, as I understand it, is a kind of map, a schematic depiction of what is "out there" - a reality which, because of its infinite complexity, would not otherwise be accessible. Can a map depict every feature of the countryside, every rock and rill, every small mound and depression? No, nor should it. A map is meant to serve the practical end of getting from here to there. If a map attempted to reproduce the whole "booming, buzzing confusion" of reality, it would negate its purpose; we would be lost in a wilderness. Applied to the history of a people, then, a myth is a story, which by telling about a people's origins gives meaning to their present situation and illuminates a path to the future. In telling this story it highlight certain historical events, gives others less prominence, and omits some altogether as irrelevant. In other words, editorial judgments are made in the telling of the story. The judgments may be disputed or criticized, but they have to be made; the alternative is chaos, incoherence.

This does not mean that all myths are equal. There are true myths and false myths. A false myth is a rigid, reductionist model with no pores or openings to allow in data that could risk jeopardizing the story. Propaganda is of this type. It depicts the enemy as wholly monstrous and "our" behavior as embodying only the noblest and highest ideals. Propaganda may have its uses in wartime, but if it gets taken seriously by a people it becomes a dangerous delusion. What, then, is a true myth? This is less easy to define because we are dealing here not with some single quiddity but with degrees of openness and balance. We can hazard this much: a true myth is a schema with enough complexity and "thickness" to accommodate a very broad range of facts, including ugly facts. A true mythical narrative "saves the appearances" by showing how the bad deeds of the people, not just the good, fit into the story." (McKenna, 2007, pp. 13-14)

I think this fits in well with the writing of a qualitative piece. :)

McKenna, G. (2007). The puritan origins of American patriotism. New Haven & London: Yale University Press.

A respectable piece of work

"What does "ownership" of your writing mean? It means that your writing belongs, for better or worse, to you, and you alone. If you screw up your courage to write, it is essential that your ownership of that writing be respected by your audience - of one or a thousand. Not necessarily agreed with, but respected. Your committee members can decide whether your body of writing constitutes an acceptable dissertation; a publisher or journal editor will decide whether it will reach a wider audience; any reader can like your writing or not, agree with it or not, understand it or not. But it is still yours. You get to decide what you're going to say, how you're going to say it, whom you're going to allow to read it. Other people own their responses to it, but you own the writing." (p. 17)

Okay. My goal is to produce a "respectable" piece of work. And it belongs to me fully. :) Something wonderful happened last Friday! I completed a draft of a journal article for my boss and I submited a draft of a conference paper to the conference administrator. What this technically means is that from today, 1st of June 2014 onwards, I can sort of convert the time I have spent writing articles, to writing of my thesis! :D (Of course, I have other tasks to do alongside this, but at least I can devote part of my time to thesis writing now!) I have put thesis-writing on hold for a couple of months because of the writing and editing of those papers. But you know, as a result of doing those papers, I felt clearer about my research questions.

Just to share... It used to be:

a) How do teachers understand patriotism?
b) How do teachers teach patriotism?

But I want to change them to:

a) How do teachers understand patriotism and teach it?
b) How do teachers perceive the relationship between patriotism and citizenship?
c) How do teachers negotiate the tensions between patriotism and critical thinking?

I'm thinking of approaching the thesis in this tripartite format.  Meaning to have three sections to my literature review. And possibly a chapter each for the findings. And then close it up with discussion and conclusion.

I don't care where this thesis takes me, at the very least, I want to produce a piece of work that will be a joy for both my supervisor and my examiners to read. I am promised at least them as my audience. And they are important to me. So I am going to do my best! :)

Bolker, Joan (1998) Writing your dissertation in fifteen minutes a day: A guide to starting, revising, and finishing your doctoral thesis. New York: Holt

Sample dedication page

"Writing is 1% vision and 99% revision."

Thesis is dedicated to the graduate students in Alfredo's graduate group who more than having courage and perseverance, have kindness and patience and have supported this work to its completion. :)