Ph.D Privilege

I was serving as an usher for my institute today during the Teachers' Investiture Ceremony. I think I could have been the most polite usher ever, "Hello, excuse me, do you mind moving in a bit/standing up for a while..." I am just so uncomfortable doing this, and asking others to do things, things they may not want to do. But it was nice to help out, and to be among my noble colleagues, who always help out without complaining... They just do the job, and do it well, though they were probably "arrowed" to do it. And when I am with such noble company, I feel happy and at ease.

But what I gained more from the time, and the reason why a work-related post in on my thinking through writing blog, is because of what happened thereafter. I was going off already and I saw Prof. Leo Tan chatting to some people. I made sure my teeth were clean and went to talk to him.

I told him I was going to do my Ph.D with my supervisor, whom he said was a really good choice, and then he told me not to rush through the Ph.D, even if it takes faster or longer, but to focus on producing good work/research. And then... He told me to try to publish one or two paper from the Ph.D before I defend my thesis. as examiners are set at ease when they know that you have been examined by the community and found satisfactory. This was the same advice given by my undergraduate thesis advisor (it seems like some NUS Department of Biological Sciences mantra. lol).

And I also asked him about how he has tried so many things, things that he was not inclined towards. For example, he became a Marine Biologist because he feared water. And... He was at NIE for 18 years, though he only had experience with higher education. He told me he always does it first, so he is in a position to tell his students that they can and should do it too... He is such a credible person. He inspires me, because, I am of a similar background. I am a biologist by training, but educational researcher by career. Indeed, the example Prof. Leo Tan set for me, gives me courage to pursue a path less traveled. He told me to never shy away from jobs that nobody wants to do. :)

Okay, I wanted to share this post (perhaps by now, you realized how confusing this post is, about privilege, then a cool professor...) because recently my supervisor told me not to rush through my Ph.D. I had wanted to hurry through it, because... I think my first choice could have been to go overseas to start afresh, but now that I am living my second choice, this alternative plan, this Plan B of doing my Ph.D in Singapore, I thought I shouldn't spend so much time on it (my all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking at work).

So, I have been consistently pressurizing and scheduling myself in this way... I want to save $10, 000 a year, while doing my Ph.D and on my 3rd year, with my $30, 000 in tow, I am going to travel around the world, and forever leave my Singapore behind (for one year la). What would make someone like me so desire such a lifestyle? I have been under tremendous emotional distress over the past few years of my life, and I had really really really wanted to escape... It was only this year when I started getting treatment that I have found Singapore tolerable enough, that I did not mind staying on longer, and just take short trips out to explore the world.

As I once shared before I needed to explore the world because otherwise I struggle in my area of study of patriotism, as to know love for country, you must know the different countries, and for me, the way I know a country, is through being there and sensing the spirit of the nation. (Sorry, sound so iffy and cheem right?)

I side-tracked. But basically, I wanted to talk about now changing my life plan and strategy... It used to be quickly finish this Ph.D and move on. Come on, girl. You don't even know if academia if for you! See, you can't even speak to a crowd without shaking, you know so little, how to become a teacher or professor? Gosh, you don't even have a social sciences or humanities degree, and what, you want to teach undergraduates?

But now... I will speak more compassionately to myself. Hey, you don't have to rush through your Ph.D studies. You know what, you are so impressive. You do not have any background in the social sciences, and yet you have been doing so much better academically than many others who do have those backgrounds. You know, you are a learner and fighter. You have never stopped learning since you started on this path. Your ignorance did not stop you, but caused you to be more humble and knowledgeable. And look how brave you are to seek treatment for your social anxiety, and to continue to give speeches, attend conferences, network with other academics, despite the fear that you have. You know what, you're on the right track. I think you're going to turn out to be a brilliant scholar, a world-class scholar. You also have a good, kind and loving heart, one who wants to help others succeed and wants to nurture others. You definitely have a place in academia! So the next three or four years (maybe four ba), are for you to explore both your limits and potentials in academia. Go out bravely into the world, my child.

I am going to be a world-class scholar and academic. I shall slowly make my way there. :)

Reference
Single, P. B. (2009). Demystifying dissertation writing: A streamlined process from choice of topic to final text. Stylus Publishing, LLC.