Editing the thesis

Oh bother. I did not expect it to be so difficult. I'm reading parts of my work which are so incoherent, sound so "ugly" that I feel like puking. That is the chapter on the context of Singapore... and next up, I am going meet with a greater challenge... The methodology section has always been exceptionally difficult for me to justify and write... I really need help from above. I'm no full-time student. I have other work responsibilities to deal with as well. (And while I'm easily distracted, I'm not exactly a good multi-tasker.) And I'm human like all people with humanly responsibilities, like celebrating the New Year, gatherings with family, in my heart, I'm still coveting a little getaway for myself... And yes, in my heart, I'm a workaholic, but I have grown wiser than to neglect the other areas of life, which while relatively hold less appeal to me, actually could mean really more when you weigh things on an eternal scale. (I know, I'm weird. Very few people like working more than playing. But I actually prefer working.)

I guess, here I am.

This is really what Grad School is like.

I've had my moments of fun and glory, but most of the time, it's like swimming against a current.

And you know what. I think I should just pack things up in preparation for tomorrow. And pray.

This is a dire straits situation that requires help from above.

Christmas Submission

You know, we typically think publishing an article is harder than writing a thesis, because it's supposed to really show your scholarship.

This year, I had the taste of trying to write articles and thesis. I actually find it harder to write a thesis. Even for the 7,000 word article, I struggled to read the article in one setting in order to edit it. Can you imagine, how am I supposed to do that for a 40,000 word document? I've been working on my thesis chapter by chapter, but eventually I will need to check the whole thing for coherence.

Writing a thesis is more like writing a book, more ideas to put into in a megastructure; whereas an article is very concise and direct and you don't need to try to tell everything. Oh, but that poses a different challenge. How to write with focus is difficult as well, I guess, especially for someone like me who is easily distracted by new concepts and ideas.

I have to work on that thesis soon as I hope to get it submitted for examination in January 2015.

But I am actually so grateful that my supervisor supported me so much in writing of articles. When I was an undergraduate, that was my then supervisor's goal. He said that if I can publish before I complete my thesis, it would help me get pass the thesis examination better. But it remained a lofty and unattainable goal for me. Back then, just struggling to grasp the research I was doing, also words didn't come easily. I also didn't know back then that writing was a very labor-intensive project, requiring a lot of editing. Back then, a week before submission, I started to write. *shakes head*

I remembered my supervisor being surprised that I wrote quite well, given the really "dire straits" situation I was to rush to complete that thesis. I still remember and feel proud, because till this day, I still felt that God enabled me to write the discussion of my undergraduate thesis. Rather than feeling insulted that others thought I got someone else to write for me, I felt proud that I wrote well, because I had help from above. And I guess this has been a motto of my life. By nature, I have few strengths, but I always desire to avail my body for the use of the Lord, so that when His strength is displayed, I know who to praise and who to thank.

Writing and writing

I love my supervisor very much.

I'm currently working on another paper. It's tough work. But I find the challenge immensely satisfying and rewarding. I know I need to put in many hours to get it done, but I anticipate doing just so when I wake up in the morning.

My supervisor asked very pertinent questions that helped me immediately see the focal point of the article, like its key selling point. Previously, I've been grappling so much with how to conceptualize and structure it. It wasn't coherent and I couldn't logically make sense of it.

This was a paper that I started writing in April, in preparation for a conference in July. And now that it's December, was still conceptually very messy, until my supervisor provided these very critical feedback.

You know, all along I had more hopes for this paper than the other one that was published? See, how wrong our judgments of ourselves can be.

But again, I want to do this with God. Hand-in-hand with God! I want to tap upon the knowledge and wisdom of a higher power. I want this to be supernatural work. :)

Injustice?

I know this sounds a little silly but the emotions I feel are real.

I'm reading a second edition of a book. I also bought the first edition. The first edition was written by a mentor and his mentee. The second edition, which was written after the mentor had died, was revised by the mentee, BUT, the mentor's name was removed and she became the sole author.

I feel upset because I felt the mentor wrote much better but what the mentee seems to have done was to pad up what the mentor had written, a lot of times still using similar words, I assumed his words, to obscure the message and YET she removed his name.

I am making a lot of assumptions and judgments that may not be true, but what I described is actually what I felt happened. I feel tormented, I mean conflicted, because I find that the older book was much better written, concise and clear and to the point, yet it is of an older version and I should be reading the newer one.

One of those daily struggles I face as a researcher... It's a small thing right? But it bothers me...

Cool Down

My draft one was not up to my expectation. It was not very coherent. But I have reached a saturation point in my mind and know that further tarrying will not help bring it forward. So I printed it out on Monday and gave it to my supervisor. It is still lacking in word count. I know it's shocking! How can it be right? Graduate students struggle with too much to say and not too little. But I think this amount is fair enough, with more thorough editing, it should reach just the right amount of 40,000. So, I'm not as long-winded as I thought. Actually I'm more often a person of few words, to be honest, especially in person. My salute to those who write books and PhD thesis. It's credible how one can keep a 100,000 over word document coherent! It takes much patience, enduring, perseverance and hard work!

So for this week, I will not touch my thesis. But I will touch it again next Monday. That will give me a 1 week cool down. So what is a cool down for a writer? What does it mean?

Distancing yourself physically from your creation allows you to disengage from it mentally. And by disengaging, you effectively separate the writing stage from the editing stage - that is, the stage in which you scrutinize and revise what you've composed. Naturally, you're always doing some editing while composing. But much of that will have been done piecemeal, without an adequate overview.

Like any break, cool-down refreshes you. Then, once refreshed, you can step back from what you've been working on to truly see it. You know what should be there, but is it really there? You know what you meant to say, but did you really say it? The perspective you gain from cooling down will help you spot and correct faults in the logic flow, trim unnecessary words, and invigorate flabby text. (p. 75)

My thesis will be due on the second week of January. That leaves me with slightly more than a month. What I learn about academic life is that we never work apart from tight deadlines. Everything I do is not done in optimal conditions, but against a backdrop of competing projects/tasks/interests/demands/commitments. It makes me appreciate academics more. Many of them produce the finest works, not in an environment of peace and ease, but under extreme pressure and stress.

Reference
Carol Rosenblum Perry, The Fine Art of Technical Writing, 2011