I started this journey with such enthusiasm, maybe I felt I kinda got it. I found something that enables me to learn new things, challenges my mind, gives me an opportunity to work on my people skill and possibly also contribute to knowledge building in society.
But today, I am plagued with self-doubt and a perpetual mental fog. Some of my friends tell me that maybe I should give it up, some other of my friends tell me to hang in there.
I was just going through some of the revisions I've made and I realised that I didn't do too bad a job in revising them. But things have just gotten to such a state that I have very little passion or motivation to do much work. I can still do it but it has required me to drag my feet instead of come to it with much joy.
I didn't see this coming... And I don't really know what to do...
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Thursday, June 7, 2018
What I learned about writing
What I learned about writing is that writing happens even before you write it. It happens at the back of your head. The moment you engage with a problem, an issue, a feedback received, your mind starts working subconsciously thinking about how to solve it and deal with it.
I learned that your first thoughts and instincts may not be the best ones. By all means you can draw them out or write them down, but don't take your first drafts as final. Give yourself time to look at them again. Again, give your mind time to work on it. Expect that it is not the best and it will change and improve as you read more, think more, and sit upon it.
I learned that writing takes time and commitment. But what happens after you engage with an issue or problem is straightforward, you begin to try to solve it. Your solution may not be the best at each moment you come to the problem but if you keep working on it, it will be a better and better fit. So give it time and don't give up so easily. And don't procrastinate. Begin the process as soon as you can.
I also learn not to be afraid of feedback. Receive it graciously and consider it carefully and based on the time and resources you have, make the best of it.
And always take ownership of your work. If writing something is going to make you detach yourself from that piece of work because it no longer sounds like what you think inside, then maybe consider sticking with what you truly believe. Take ownership of your work. Except of course you have been engaged to write somebody else's work and then in that situation what matters is that person's voice.
I learned that your first thoughts and instincts may not be the best ones. By all means you can draw them out or write them down, but don't take your first drafts as final. Give yourself time to look at them again. Again, give your mind time to work on it. Expect that it is not the best and it will change and improve as you read more, think more, and sit upon it.
I learned that writing takes time and commitment. But what happens after you engage with an issue or problem is straightforward, you begin to try to solve it. Your solution may not be the best at each moment you come to the problem but if you keep working on it, it will be a better and better fit. So give it time and don't give up so easily. And don't procrastinate. Begin the process as soon as you can.
I also learn not to be afraid of feedback. Receive it graciously and consider it carefully and based on the time and resources you have, make the best of it.
And always take ownership of your work. If writing something is going to make you detach yourself from that piece of work because it no longer sounds like what you think inside, then maybe consider sticking with what you truly believe. Take ownership of your work. Except of course you have been engaged to write somebody else's work and then in that situation what matters is that person's voice.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
How I see the PhD
The PhD to me is not the best one can produce and write and of the greatest passion, it is a working out of skills that can be eventually used in different settings.
It is not squeezing dry of one's energy and talent and knowledge and abilities, but the careful use of those to complete a piece of work.
It does not have to have an instrumental function to be worth doing. I don't have to have the PhD qualification. I can find the process of thinking, analysing, working in a team, reading, writing and thinking worthwhile on its own.
PhD is not trying to prove your worth or abilities or skills, but already having this worth, abilities, and skills, demonstrate it through a process and piece of work.
Getting a PhD doesn't mean you have attained the highest level, there is still much to learn and grow thereafter.
Am I thinking it wrongly?
It is not squeezing dry of one's energy and talent and knowledge and abilities, but the careful use of those to complete a piece of work.
It does not have to have an instrumental function to be worth doing. I don't have to have the PhD qualification. I can find the process of thinking, analysing, working in a team, reading, writing and thinking worthwhile on its own.
PhD is not trying to prove your worth or abilities or skills, but already having this worth, abilities, and skills, demonstrate it through a process and piece of work.
Getting a PhD doesn't mean you have attained the highest level, there is still much to learn and grow thereafter.
Am I thinking it wrongly?
Monday, June 4, 2018
Slump
I have reached such a slump in my life that it is difficult to find motivation to do work.
I told myself just now that I have been doing research for 10 years. Even if I close my eyes, I can still get the work done.
So yes, I am going to continue working through this slump!
I told myself just now that I have been doing research for 10 years. Even if I close my eyes, I can still get the work done.
So yes, I am going to continue working through this slump!
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Another update...
It's been a month. That 50-page document has been double-spaced and edited into a 131-page document. I haven't been here much. That process of focusing a mammoth sized mess hasn't generated a lot of inspiration. Today, it feels merely like I'm sitting myself down and by sheer willpower, typing and typing.
Writing is sometimes like that, especially academic writing. Sometimes there are no flashes of inspiration, just sheer brute willpower that keeps you typing. You come up with a to-do list, and you tick off one item at a time. Just that...
It's not just PhD... Generally, life has become a bit like that for me. A list of to-dos, and I am getting by and getting through one item at a time. I am holding on... I am surviving by the day. I am doing my best to cope.
Writing is sometimes like that, especially academic writing. Sometimes there are no flashes of inspiration, just sheer brute willpower that keeps you typing. You come up with a to-do list, and you tick off one item at a time. Just that...
It's not just PhD... Generally, life has become a bit like that for me. A list of to-dos, and I am getting by and getting through one item at a time. I am holding on... I am surviving by the day. I am doing my best to cope.
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