Reflections on academic life

I am one of those you might say is a late bloomer. I am looking at some of the ecological research articles I have printed out and read as an undergraduate student in university. And I must honestly say that back then, I didn't really get what scholarship was about. I did not really know how to use research papers or knew what was primary research. I also did not like reading the textbook, which is a collection and synthesis of much the research done on that topic so far. I did not understand all these back then, what was research about. I think some of my friends got it very quickly. They were doing research at a young age and having fun at it.

But for me... It's only now. I only started understanding what scholarship and academia is about now. And that's 5 years after I obtained my undergraduate degree. I did not know what I was doing. Bombarded by what other scientists have found, I did not know that there is so much out there in the world that we do not yet know. I wish I had got started on this earlier. I could have been a true botanist or biologist have I realized what research was about back then. (I was perhaps too touch and go to delve deep into something. I had one foot in biology, but another in architecture and urban planning. Actually I was very fascinated by human geography too. I liked being in the university because it exposed me to so much knowledge about the things that I love.)

It's only now when I'm doing educational research that I learned this. :)

That's life isn't it.

And I also learned something else that I did not know in my undergraduate days. You become familiar with a set of literature, a group of scholars who are active in your field. I took 3 years to become somewhat familiar with the famous educators in citizenship education. I have left the biology scene for a good 5 years and I really no longer have any idea who is up and coming in that field anymore. (I remembered my professor once commenting that there was this fig researcher who suddenly vanished from the scene and he did not know why. I was fascinated by that. You know biologists' job can be harrowing at times in the wilderness. I imagined  him losing his footing while scaling mountains and plummeting down or kidnapped by cannibals in the jungle. But I soon found out that he changed line from a researcher to a wildlife photographer. Imagine that!) And these people in citizenship education have become my 'friends'. I listen to what they say and I respond to them and they respond back to me. Many of them I have not met, but there's this relationship that has been developed from reading what they write and writing in response to that. It's actually going to be hard for me to start afresh in another field. I like these people. :)

I'm thinking of throwing these set of papers away... It also means there's no turning back symbolically in one sense.