The difficult part of research for me...

The difficult part of research for me, is interacting with my research participants. There is a reason I wanted to be a Botanist and also tried telling my supervisor a few years ago that I would rather be a Historian, working with sources, than actually having to be out there interacting with real human beings.

Data collection is tough for me. Finding a school that will be willing to let me be in there. And thereafter having to negotiate so many different kinds of human interactions. Requesting for things for myself and yet trying not to be too imposing on others at the same time.

Once I get my data in, sitting down with them, working with them... it's a lot easier for me. Writing also... Is a lot easier for me than speaking... And imaginary audience, or an audience out there of scholars is much easier for me to interact with, than... a real human being before me. But... this in no ways implies I'm anti-social or anything like that.

When I am working with something I'm not confident in, I tend to be more controlling. I want to choose a school that I like, that I feel comfortable in, where there are teachers I know and feel at ease with. I think all these is to alleviate my sense of anxiety, and having to establish relationships anew, which as I mentioned, does not come that easily to me.

But... this year... I am going to keep my options open... Maybe I might discover by chance a school that matches me. It may not be what I expect, but it might suit my PhD research. I am keeping hopeful. This is honestly, the hardest part of educational research for me, much harder than any kind of formulation of idea or proposal.