the thrill of seeing oneself in print

“I understood immediately the thrill of seeing oneself in print. It provides some sort of primal verification: you are in print; therefore you exist. Who knows what this urge is all about, to appear somewhere outside yourself, instead of feeling stuck inside your muddled but stroboscopic mind, peering out like a little undersea animal – a spiny blenny, for instance – from inside your tiny cave? Seeing yourself in print is such an amazing concept: you can get so much attention without having to actually show up somewhere. While other who have something to say or want to be effectual, like musicians or baseball players or politicians, have to get out in front of people, writers, who tend to be shy, get to stay home and still be public. There are many obvious advantages to this. You don’t have to dress up, for instance, and you can’t hear them boo you right away.” – Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

Re-reading old articles

I used to hear this a lot in church and often experience it myself, where you read the same bible passage at different times and hear it speaking different things to you (in other words, you are interpreting it in different ways). They say that is the power of the Word.

Something similar happens in academia. I am re-reading articles I had to read in the past to write my Masters work. But I am reading them in new ways because of my new research questions and directions. So I am looking at different sections of the old papers as relevant to me and I am re-interpreting old passages that once had a certain meaning to me, but today mean something else.

Gosh and we were once afraid it was possible for two people to write a similar thesis?

It is hard for the same person at different stage of his research to even look at the same thing in the same way. I would go so far as to say it's possible for the same person to read the same materials and write two different theses from different lens or approaches.

Doing PhD = Investigating a mystery...

You know, if I'm not an academic, I think I would be a police investigator, doctor or journalist. I love investigating and trying to solve puzzles. Once you get me hooked on an issue or a problem, I am constantly perplexed and trying to seek to understand, find evidence, and solve the "crime", or form the most coherent story I can about what has happened.

So what happened with my study?

There is this law article that I have refused to read for over five years since I first discovered it (White, 2009). I knew it was related to what I study, but because it's from another field, I'm hesitant to read it. I shouldn't have been. So far, of the very few law articles I have read, I have found them to be exceptionally eloquent and well-argued. Maybe it's the training of the lawyer.

Yes, so I finally picked up this thick piece. It's very thick, but as it is with the way law articles are structured, most of the bulk comes from the footnotes in microprint containing a lot of "evidence", a lot of citations and notes. And I really enjoyed reading this piece though it's written in a style I'm not so used to - argument after argument.

And I was referred back to the first IEA Civic Education Study. In this study, a very strong negative correlation was found between students who practiced patriotic rituals and their democratic knowledge and attitudes (Torney, Oppenheim & Farnen, 1975). This was a very strong finding, BUT no one seems to have carried on from there... In the next IEA Civic Education Study, they simply said that they decided to focus more on patriotic attitudes rather than practices, and they say that most nations no longer carry out patriotic rituals anyway (Torney et al., 2001)... Naturally, in the next IEA ICCS, again, no more mention of patriotic rituals (Schulz et al., 2010)...

Because of this, our knowledge about patriotic rituals is so scarce and we are all referring back to a study done in 1975 that does not even clarify the relationship between patriotic rituals and democratic values. I mean, you cannot say that it's because of practicing these rituals that students develop undemocratic views. There's no cause-and-effect relationship. Maybe it is schools that tend to focus on patriotic rituals that have less time to focus on teaching democratic values that have led to this?

More importantly, what are patriotic rituals? This report only tells us it is stuff such as flag raising ceremonies. But what  happens during a ceremony such as these. What other behaviours constitute patriotic rituals? How about the area of my interest - commemorative events? What's the role of symbols?

Why are so few people interested in this area of study? Maybe it's not worth studying, or maybe I have discovered a mystery that has to be solved!

Isn't doing a PhD fun? :D

(Let me self-indulge for a little while, I've been struggling for sometime with the topic and conceptual framework and just trying to put the various things I read about together.)

References

White, B. T. (2009). Ritual, emotion, and political belief: The search for the constitutional limit to patriotic education in public schools. Arizona Legal Studies Discussion Paper No. 09-06.

Torney, J. V., Oppenheim, A. N., & Farnen, R. F. (1975). Civic education in ten countries: An empirical study Stockholm, Sweden: Almqvist & Wiksell International.

Torney-Purta, J., Lehmann, R., Oswald, H., & Schulz, W. (2001). Citizenship and education in twenty-eight countries: Civic knowledge and engagement at age fourteen. Amsterdam: International Association for the Evaluation of Educational Achievement (IEA).

Schulz, W., Ainley, J., Fraillon, J., Kerr, D., & Losito, B. (2010). ICCS 2009 International Report: Civic knowledge, attitudes, and engagement among lower-secondary school students in 38 countries. Retrieved from Amsterdam:

Cohesive and integrated writing

"Sometimes when someone speaks or writes about something that is very important to him, the words he produces have this striking integration or coherence: he isn't having to plan and work them out one by one. They are all permeated by his meaning. The meanings have been blended at a finer level, integrated more thoroughly. Not merely manipulated by his mind, but, rather, sifted through his entire self. In such writing you don't feel mechanical cranking, you don't hear the gears change. When there are transitions they are smooth, natural, organic. It is as though every word is permeated by the meaning of the whole (like a hologram in which each part contains faintly the whole)." (Elbow, 1998, pp. 8-9)

Elbow, P. (1998). Writing without teachers. New York: Oxford University Press

American Patriotism

"Foreign observers have long noted the distinctiveness of American patriotism. What impresses them is that, unlike the patriotism of the Old World, it is not tied to blood or soil but is a dynamic blend of Judeo-Christianity and political liberalism. In France and other countries, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote, there were "two distinct elements" that were always at odds with one another, but the Americans "have succeeded in incorporating to some extent one with the other and combining admirably. I refer to the spirit of religion and the spirit of liberty". (McKenna, 2007, p. 5)

McKenna, G. (2007). The puritan origins of American patriotism. New Haven & London: Yale University Press.

Writing the Research Proposal

(This is the real reason I am here to blog. The previous post was a surprise. Somehow there was a post inside me bursting to come out. Writing is so special and mysterious in that sense.)

I have been struggling to put together two almost disparate ideas - patriotism and rituals. Yes, they look very related. But every time I write the proposal, they come up that way, as two separate topics requiring two separate research methods. M mentioned that I need to connect them. But I didn't know how. I was uncomfortable with that, but I thought, that's the best I have for now.

Then, two days ago, I attended a Research Proposal Workshop by Dr Anneliese. I am so indebted to her. She helped me with the article I submitted to the practitioner journal. I went up to her after the workshop to thank her for her help and let her know the article would be out soon. And I told her I have changed my PhD topic and told her about patriotism and ritual. And again she said I have to be careful that I'm not doing two separate studies. She gave me an example that it could be that I have to look at both what teachers think and what they actually do. And this can unite the two separate topics.

So I went to bed with this puzzle. How I am going to resolve this puzzle...

There was a construct that I really liked called "nationalistic education". I have always wondered why so few others studied this. Not surprising if you understand the current academic climate. I actually don't fit into the mainstream academic tradition that I "grew up" with. That for another day. Just to give a clue, I am fascinated by emotions, rituals, all things spiritual... And when I woke up and got out of bed, nationalistic education was in my mind.

I did a mindmap to capture some ideas I had. Nationalistic education will be the umbrella under which I would place patriotism and commemorative events. I will think twice about making ritual a key concept of my study also... So I wrote... That it is important to study nationalistic education, because so much of our education involves stuff like flag-raising etc, yet the topic is so controversial... Why so controversial? There is no consensus on what patriotism is... and how to cultivate it... So we need to explore how teachers think of patriotism and also look at how they use commemorative events to instill it.

YES! So for now, there is some coherence.

Can you see the changing face of my research proposal?

I'm going to sound crazy but the PhD is fun because of how things change like this... It's changing to become more coherent. :)

Still using two methods but at least now there is some coherence above the methods level...

An Update

I have not updated this blog in more than a month. So what has been happening to me? Sometime ago and repeatedly thereafter, I made myself promise myself that I will not be a depressed PhD nerd-geek. I will not be one whose life revolves around the PhD. I want to have a life outside of PhD, I want to have hobbies, friends, to travel... I want to be a cool PhD student, or even one who says she does a PhD as an afterthought.

Why?

I consider myself a mature student. Many people jump into their PhD right after their undergraduate studies and they have had little exposure to the outside world. Not that I have much, having only worked in a university all my life, but I feel that I cannot begin my graduate studies with that idealistic view that I'm doing something wonderful and proud and I'm going to devote my all to it during this five years. No, I know that I may not find an academic position when I come out, I know that having a PhD as an accomplishment helps you look smart, but it doesn't mean you're smart, I know that my health (emotional, spiritual, physical, mental) is more dear to me and I am willing to give up any activities or loves that threaten it.

Gosh, what a strange post. I didn't come here thinking I would write about this, frankly.

But yes, so I have been doing some freediving the past month or so. :)

And I pulled myself back to work on my Research Proposal.

During the break, I wrote an article for a practitioner journal. Two days ago, I told my friend about it, and I said, "I've taken so much from teachers, I'm grateful I finally have a chance to give back."

I will be conducting a workshop end October on Academic Publishing and Writing. I was excited about this because from April to June 2017, I did a diploma in TESOL. I am prepared that if I don't get an academic position, or if I do get it, I will be ready to teach. But when I was given this chance to do a workshop... something in my heart leaped for joy. I was thinking that I can apply what I learned in the TESOL course to engage my audience.

Okay, how did I get these opportunities? I want to share with you... I simply asked for them. I am not someone who is thick skin, but I got a few chances to just ask. I asked the editor of the online journal whether they were interested in a paper I have in mind, and they said yes. I told the Grad Center that I was interested to share some of my experiences with writing and publishing with other students, and they gave me that opportunity.

Why am I asking and doing all these?

Because sometime ago, I realized I need to chart my own career path. I cannot just do my PhD. It will not only bore me to death, it alone is not sufficient to open doors and possibilities for myself now, and my future later.

Gosh, where are all these words coming from. I'm so talkative today. Maybe I should stop here.