The struggle of finding clarity

I have typed the title of this post three days ago, but it's only today that I know what to say about it.

For about four to five months, I struggled greatly to find a focus for my PhD study. I have written multiple drafts of my chapter 1 to be, but all have led me to more confusion, rather than greater clarity.

It is only today, that I saw the light more clearly. Here is how it has evolved since November...
1. I have decided that rather than focusing on "commemorative events" and "rituals", I will focus back on "patriotism". (Thanks Dr Chris)
2. I have decided that rather than using the ethnography method, I will use the case study method. (Thanks Jasmine)
3. I have decided that rather than looking at all four core events, I will focus on one main one - the National Day celebrations. (Thanks Zhang Si)
4. And I have re-thought out my research question, after changing it multiple times, to - How does a secondary school in Singapore teach about/for patriotism?

I was frustrated and stressed up, especially as I wrote more and more drafts of this chapter 1, I felt further and further  from where I wanted to be. I was writing so much, but not getting close to what I wanted to do. It felt like I was stagnating and running on a treadmill. But alas, actually, through writing and sharing what I was doing with other colleagues and students... the questions they asked, though at first made me possibly uncomfortable because they were suggesting something different from what I thought I had in mind, actually helped me zoom in faster to what I truly wanted.

I think doing the PhD requires so much courage and perseverance and faith. You really don't know the end point, and you just got to keep trying. My friend, Chin, was telling me that he noticed for my Masters, I struggled to get going, but once I got started, I had an exponential increase. He was telling me not to worry for my PhD. I hope that happens again. I give myself time to write a firm foundation for my research study, and trust that this will be the platform from which everything else will take off.