I've been so quiet for some time.
Did you think maybe I have abandoned the path? I stopped wanting to be a researcher or writer or in academia?
Actually, last month, I had the opportunity to help plan a writing retreat for a group of Thai academics. It was the most interesting experience that I am grateful for.
I was observant about myself during that time about how highly aroused I get from doing a task like that. Instead of using the words "performance anxiety" which probably most people would use to describe the emotions I felt, I want to use using the words that psychologists used to describe bodily states like mine. Specifically using the circumspect model of affect.
Yes, lately I have began exploring something new. I want to try to come up with a PhD proposal that touches on a topic different from what I used to study.
It is challenging but I am going to give it a try.
And I am beginning by reading up about this new topic that I am interested in. It is in the intersection of language, emotions, and our body.
"I know there are people who are able to think clearly and run at the same time but I prefer a slower speed. When I walk my thoughts are set free. My blood circulates and, if I choose a faster pace, my body takes in more oxygen. My head clears. If my phone rings while I am sitting down, I like to stand up and pace about as I speak. My memory, concentration and mood improve after only a few steps. 'If you are in a bad mood, go for a walk,' was Hippocrates' advice. And if you are still in a bad mood: 'God for another walk.' The context is reflected in our language. Motion and emotion. Move and moved." (Kagge, 2020, p. 87)
"When we were preparing to go to the North Pole in 1990, we spent a few weeks testing our gear in Iqaluit, a small town in the north-east, in the Canadian Arctic.
It was here that I learned about a valuable Inuit tradition. If you are so angry that you can hardly control your feelings, you are asked to leave your home and to walk in a straight line through the landscape outside until your anger has left you. You then mark the point at which your anger is released with a stick in the snow. In this way, the length, or the strength, of one's rage is measured. The most sensible thing that you can do if you are angry - a condition where our reptilian brain rules our decisions - is to walk for a while away from the object of your anger." (Kagge, 2020, p. 110)
What am I getting at? I was very moved by Lisa Feldman Barrett's idea that emotions are what we describe physical sensations our body experiences, instead of psychological states, if I understand it correctly. It is more physical than psychological. So it means that different people and cultures can interpret and describe the same physical sensations differently, and people can choose to see these physical sensations as physical sensations, rather than label them as "depression" or "anxiety". But the rule is that if you do not give yourself a break after your body has been reacting for some time, eventually you get sick.
You can read more about it here:
https://www.ted.com/talks/lisa_feldman_barrett_cultivating_wisdom_the_power_of_mood?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
And here:
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/sep/25/im-extremely-controversial-the-psychologist-rethinking-human-emotion
I am intrigued with this neuroscience perspective to emotions, because from my own experience with myself, I noticed that emotions are indeed very physical and bodily, and definitely when you do something to your body, it does something to your emotions.
Think about going for a massage or going for a walk or for an adventure or for a freediving session or falling in love.
I don't know what kind of research project can come up from this but I'm curious if I can craft a research proposal to study something I am uniquely interested in and in a position to ask and answer. I am wondering if I can find a question that I am willing to spend 5 years of study seeking an answer for.
I am going to give it a try. If I can find such a thing, maybe I should do a PhD.